


surely you can't be serious

by loveyouallwrong (drunktuesdays)



Category: Greek
Genre: Gen, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-14
Updated: 2009-11-14
Packaged: 2017-10-02 17:42:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drunktuesdays/pseuds/loveyouallwrong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kappa Tau Gen!</p>
            </blockquote>





	surely you can't be serious

"Tell me you didn't drink that!" Rusty yelled, eyes bulging and arms waving.

"It was in the fridge," Cappie said reasonably, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. "The fridge is communal property, Spitter, and Kappa Tau's--"

"It was my experiment for lab!" Rusty interrupted him. They both looked down at the empty beaker Cappie was holding and considered.

"What lab was it for?" Cappie asked, raising the glass up to sniff.

"Human Bio," Rusty said miserably, taking the beaker from him. "Maybe you should go to poison control or something."

Cappie clapped him on the back. "Spitter, I have spent years mercilessly and ruthlessly training my body to rid itself of whatever toxins I choose to ingest. I laugh in the face of activated charcoal."

"But it--"

"Laugh!" Cappie yelled. With a swat aimed at Rusty's ass, he bounded up the stairs, yelling for Beaver to bring him a marker, the new copy of Playboy, and Dean Bowman's address.

Rusty looked down again at the tiny, unassuming, little beaker and winced.

 

TWO WEEKS LATER

 

"Dude," Wade said, in what Cappie thought was a unnecessarily judgemental tone of voice. He was about to raise his head and say so, and perhaps _remind_ him of the Kappa Tau code when one brother is down, when another bout of nausea hit and he clung to the toilet once more.

"You didn't even drink last night," Beaver said. "You fell asleep on the couch during Jeopardy."

Cappie wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, stood carefully, and rinsed his mouth. Then he straightened, turned to Wade and Beaver, and thwapped them both on the side of the head. He ignored their protests, and glared. "First of all, maybe I fell asleep because you assholes _put on_ Jeopardy. You know how I feel about Alex Trebek." They bowed their heads in reverence of Winter Break '06. "Second, I am _fine_. I probably just have a bug." He smirked at them. "Which you douchebags will probably get next, so be ready to be humbled, you judgmental motherfuckers."

Rusty, who had been quiet this whole time, suddenly spoke up. "I think you should see a doctor, Cappie."

Cappie whirled on him. "For puking? Are you for real, Spitter?"

"Not just you," Wade rushed to assure him. "Everyone should. Like a group physical or some shit."

"Yeah," Beav said. "Like in those army movies, when everyone stood around in their underwear, waiting for the hot nurse to come take their temperature and check their junk for crabs."

"Okay," Cappie said, "I think you're mixing up 'movies' and 'porno' again." He frowned thoughtfully. The plan did have several aspects he liked, namely embarrassment, theatrics, uncomfortable brother-brother nudity.

"I'll call around and see if anyone does housecalls," Rusty volunteered, backing out of the room.

"Hot nurse," Cappie called after him. "Remember that, Spitter. I'm not doing this unless there's a hot nurse." Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to see a doctor. Just to make sure he didn't have crabs.

 

THREE DAYS LATER

 

"I need everyone to cheek swab," Hot Lady Nurse said, and she passed out little containers. "Write your name on the outside, so we know it's yours and can get the results back to you."

She handed one to Cappie, who took it and said charmingly, "Aww, no need to drop trou?" He stuck his thumbs into his waistband and winked. "I wore my best panties."

Rusty popped up beside him and said hurrriedly, "Ma'am, this is Cappie. He's actually sick."

"Am not," Cappie protested.

"Lucky boy," she said, drawing a cup from her bag. "You do get to drop your panties." Cappie blinked at her for a second, before she pointed to the bathroom behind him. "Go. Urinate."

He shot a death glare at Rusty who gave him a thumbs up in return, and trudged off to the bathroom.

 

FIVE TO SEVEN DAYS LATER

 

"Ah, it's our favorite friend from the medical community," Cappie said, answering the phone while balancing a tray of jello shots on his hip. "What's the good news? Uh huh. Uh huh. Right, okay. Thanks so much. Buh-bye."

Rusty stood up anxiously. "What'd she say, Cap? Are you okay?"

"In a manner of speaking," Cappie said, putting the jello shots down on the table. "Tested negative for STDs, positive for pregnancy."

"Whoa," Beaver said. The rest of the KTs looked solemn for a moment, and then Pickle stood up and shouted, "We're gonna be parents!"

Cappie grinned, and was nearly bowled over as the brothers swarmed him.

All except Rusty, who just stood there, getting paler by the minute.

THE NEXT WEEK

Of all the things Cappie has ever thought about the KTs, evaluating their fitness as fathers had not yet been one of them. He was pleasantly surprised to consider it in a favorable fashion though, as the week passed on. Anthony Hopkins and Wade were planning a Baby Shower Rager that was shaping up to be so epic, it might last until the baby actually came. Jeremy and Gonzo were building a crib that looked strangely similar to Vesuvius. Even Beaver was doing something.

"Beaver," he called. "What are you doing?"

"Babyproofing!" Beaver called back, holding up a sander and bunch of electrical outlet plugs.

"Right on!" Cappie said, and relaxed back into his lawn chair. A shadow fell across him. "Ah, Spitter. I was wondering when you'd return."

"Cap, why aren't you worried about this?" He sat down on the foot of the chair. "Because I'm really worried about this. You should definitely be worried about this."

Cappie pulled his sunglasses down to the end of his nose. "They called me back two hours after the first call, and asked me if there was any reason I ingested estrogen lately."

"My lab experiment!" Rusty said.

"Exactly. Apparently you get what you pay for when you hire people from the yellow pages with the ad 'Medical Advice: $5', Spitter. I'm fine, I just had to get that shit out of my system. Hence the nausea."

"So why didn't you tell the brothers?" Rusty asked, staring at everyone working.

"I will," Cappie said. "I just...really like when we're all working together on a project. It makes me feel good."

To their right, Ferret and Pickle were looking at a pregnancy book. "That cannot be right," Pickle said. "I don't think that's humanly possible." Heath came over and turned the book right side up. "Oh," they chorused. They looked up from the picture and looked at Cappie, then down again.

"You should probably tell them soon," Rusty said. "I'm pretty sure they voted on the name Katie already."

"Katie," Cappie said. "Oh, like KT. That's brilliant."

"Cappie."

"I'm just saying, it is. What if we just borrowed a baby instead?"

"Cappie."

"Legally, of course. I bet you could find one on craigslist."

"I'm leaving."

"Spitter, don't leave me in my condition," Cappie yelled at his back. Rusty took off towards the house, sprinting. It was okay though, maybe he'd convince the guys to get a dog. "Katie," he laughed to himself. "That's funny."

THE END


End file.
